Special Correspondent,
NLS Inmates Review
This news bulletin is dedicated to all those souls who have died slow deaths with
each new offering mail, and each new update on the spreadsheet.
Disclaimer/Warning
Any resemblance to any person, living or dead or a victim to the repeated offerings, is purely coincidental. All of the content in this bulletin is purely factual and unrelated to any goings on at Nagarbhavi Laa College. The NLS Inmates Review Team, however, warns all its readers to avoid playing, “Main tera mooter, tu meri mooter, oh mainu kehandi na na na na” with anyone in the near future due to the risk of creating another iteration of the offerings.
A weapons-grade, malignant virus known as JUMPSHIP made its way into the MCS Servers in the wee hours of 14th of October as they set about compiling final scores. The virus has since manifested in the MootMatrix multiple times apparently attaching to one of R1 to R11 and snaking its way to wherever such R might be.
MCS has since been adequately apprised of the problem, by the computer program itself (as shown in the crop of the code) as well as well-known MootMatrix professionals. The JUMPSHIP, although earlier taken only as an annoyance, has bought to light deficiencies in the MootMatrix code.
While attempting to try Troubleshoot #1, MCS realised that the anti-virus rules were non-existent and hence, iterations of the MootMatrix could be infiltrated by any virus at any time. This comes as no shock as the MootMatrix is a code created by lawyers who, obviously, cannot be expected to lay down concrete, written rules for coding or troubleshooting the MootMatrix.
Troubleshoot #2 was attempted by MCS, which was successful for a little while before JUMPSHIP made an appearance again. As it turns out, the AI inside JUMPSHIP is much more advanced than initially perceived and shall continue its dance.
As MCS currently attempts to fix and appease JUMPSHIP to stop doing what it does best, here are a few real-life testimonials of the people who were affected by JUMPSHIP’s appearance:
- @LachsNumbers from Bengaluru has this to say: “Correspondent, I will not believe the MootMatrix is over until I am registered. The reiterations make me feel like a hamster in a wheel; not going anywhere while being chased by JUMPSHIP.”
- @GarfieldShares has this to add: “TU HAAN KAR YA NA KAR, TU HAI MERI MOOTER — this was a harrowing tale told to us by seniors where you would almost finish the MootMatrix and JUMPSHIP would catch you. I didn’t believe them until the now ongoing Iteration 3. God give me the power to run.“
- @ConfessionsOfADisgruntledMooter mentioned during the forced 214-second break she had to take from printing 214 important pages at her internship: “When R12 mutated into JUMPSHIP was when we all realised its similarity to Wolverine: it regenerates, attacks and stalls the MootMatrix for 100 other people.“
- @PalatialKastle also stated: “To edit what John Whitter originally said, ‘For all sad words of tongue and pen and code, the saddest are these: Rules might have been.’ “