NYP to be educational; Midnight Symposium planned
NLSIU Batch of 2019 makes NYP an academic event; Call for Applications expected tomorrow
November 25, 2018 | By: Dhanush Dinesh and Aman Vasavada
(Following an anonymous tip-off, investigators from the NLS Inmates Review have gained non-exclusive access to the Batch of 2019’s WhatsApp group chat for NYP preparation, which revealed shocking information, bound to shake the dubious foundations of Law School Party Culture™. Quirk is proud to bring to our readers an exclusive leak of the potential culmination of the Batch’s extraordinary idea.)
In an effort to reach out to the Modern Law Schoolite™, who has turned away from music, alcohol and other unnamed debaucheries in favour of higher and greater ethical pursuits, such as BTLI (Blogging on Topical Legal Issues) and CWQM (Chetta Water Quality Monitors), the Batch of 2019 has decided to replace the traditional NYP with an all-night, superlatively educational, NYP-themed Symposium. The move is expected to salvage the now-accredited Nagarbhavi Laa School from the slanderous claims of Falling Standards which are frequently hurled against its inmates.
Our whistleblowers have revealed that the midnight bacchanalia of NYP had almost been replaced by an NYPD (New Year Picnic Day) by the academically oriented and morally cautious Batch, which soon realized that the New Year actually arrives only at midnight – leading to the quick (but not silent!) death of the afternoon “delight” that was to be NYPD.
On confronting an Organizer, we were informed: “Knowing how the prurient interests of Laa School men would come alive at a midnight rave (as it is obviously the parties that are causing these incidents and not in any way a result of people’s social conditioning), we decided that a symposium would be an appropriate way to foster respectful intergender contact – and hey, they’d be learning something too! Better than anything those Angry Vocal Feminists™ have ever done for women.”
Undoubtedly, the intention was to redress the pervasive problems in Laa School Party Culture by focusing attention on other, more Pressing Matters, with the added benefit of having all Licentious Characters (actual and potential) enlightened by educational thoughts under the pleasant visibility of broad daylight.
Thus, the idea of the NYP Symposium was conceived. The spectacular speaker line-up already boasts some giants in the field of consumable education and enlightenment. Our whistleblower has kindly leaked the proposed schedule so our committed readers can read it here first:
8-9 PM: Keynote Address by Swami Nithyananda
The renowned preacher shall deliver his famous lesson on “How to Transcend your Addictions and Turn them to your Power”. With the text of the speech having been removed from even his own website under the orders of the CCB, the NYP Symposium shall possibly be the only place where one can hope to hear what the great man has to teach us.
9-10 PM: Session on “Inner Engineering: How to Transcend from Rationality to Meta-science” by Sadhguru
The celebrated mystic and NALSAR’s most recent Guest Lecturer shall be engaging with students on various contemporary issues such as the link between mess food poisoning and the zodiacal constellations, home remedies to prevent cancer and depression, and heretofore unexplored connections between eclipses and your grades.
10-11:50 PM: Interactive Workshop on “OMR-Coke Synthesis and other Life Skills”
This will be a panel moderated by Guru Sir (proprietor of the wholesale liquor shop near Fortis). Senior Representatives and Educational Ambassadors from Surya and Chandrashekar are also expected to grace the panel. There will be an opportunity for (Heritage) wine-tasting during the session as well.
11:50-12:10 AM: Networking Break
This window is reserved for collectively bringing in another year with more of the same. Couples (new and existing) are kindly requested to utilize the rear lawn only, and cooperate in our attempts to minimize the negative externalities of PDA. Rumour has it that Garvit Sharma (Batch of 2021) has been training pigeons to strategically defecate on the more…insatiable couples.
12:15-2 AM: Open Discussion on “Channeling Creativity at Parties: A Historical Perspective”
Finally, as the highlight of the evening, all inmate-attendees shall be given 5 minutes to share their true lived experiences of coping with various provocations over the years. This promises to be the most riveting session, given that the Batch of 2019 has displayed their eminence time and again by allegedly performing enviable feats at previous parties such as, inter alia, breaking toilet mirrors, booking impromptu cabs to Mysore Zoo to hug giraffes, punching juniors, roasting nuts on a CD and then consuming said CD, burning the Himalaya dustbin, and starting a gang war against Compton™.
The program beyond 2AM is unlikely to be formally scheduled by the Batch, but is considered to be a respite after imbibing such intoxicating and heady educational discussions, after which the inmate-attendees are likely to require a personal moment to just lie down in the bushes, cry, call their exes, and contemplate life.
The customary coke and chips (which have been upgraded to the oil-free, gluten-free, baked kind which can now be afforded after a reallocation of the Batch’s resources) will be provided. However, according to our sources, chances are that the proverbial coke will be in abundant enough supply to ensure that people are carbonated enough to forget all about the existence of the proverbial chips. The Batch has also promised Certificates of Participation, which sources claim will be covered in puke splatter from students of the Batch of 2019, in line with the nauseating customs of NYP.
Our behavioural ecologists believe that the inmates will largely respond favourably to this historic transition in the annual indulgence that is NYP.
Update: Minutes after we went to press, representatives from the Batch of 2019 have hinted that due to the logistical difficulties involved in organising this conference, chances are that the NYP will end up being the usual “lit pardayyy” in an even better location where everybody can get hammered in the manner of their informed choice, on the lush green grass by the poolside under the beautiful and starry winter night sky in a sequestered farmhouse, far far away from Nags. Come what may, the experience promises to be… educational.
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