The recent sightings of strange men dirt-biking outside the field and jalebis belonging to NLS inmates going missing have brought to the limelight the state of security measures on campus (or lack thereof). Prima facie, it appears that the student body is lobbying for better security measures on campus. However, our Quirk team did some classic investigative journalism into the recent break-ins in Himalaya and Annapurna/Annexe and realized that there could be more to the story.
Imposters on Campus or Faculty Efforts to Increase Research Output?[1]
Fearing the loss of “perception” as an index to determine NIRF rankings, NLSIU is finally stepping up to bridge the gap (between itself and the ‘second-best’) in the other categories it sincerely believes it can excel at, like research output.
Recently an outstanding young researcher was seen gracing the halls of House Himalaya (the first-year boys’ hostel), brought here at the behest of one of the faculty. Such was his brilliance, that he made it here without sitting through an interview, going through a careful selection process, or even sending in a formal application through mail. His admission to Himalaya had been approved by a simple SMS chat!
He was given the discretion to select a room of his choice, and he did so by offering his varying credentials to impress several Himalayan inmates. His CV boasted of him having done one-year sentences at NLS in the LLM Bunker in the years 2011, 2009 and even in 2008(!), when the one-year programme did not even exist. Just like the kings of yore would passionately compete in a swayamvaram to win the hand of that one elusive princess, the inmates fought to offer their nightly chambers to this exotic snake-eyed, sun-kissed Pondycherrian (?) who promised to teach these inmates the tricks of the research trade.
“He sat in our room and with a tear glistening in his eye, reminisced about the past and how wonderful it had been to play cricket in the valleys of Himalaya. It was uncanny how much we could identify with him, as an inmate, though I wonder if the valley was bigger back then. Hmm…” one of the first years recounted. After some research, however, concern arose amongst the first-year boys that this outstanding young mind might not be who he claimed to be. When the disciplinarian-wardens were informed of this imposter, they refused to descend from their m(h)orbid quarters citing a lack of substance in the complaint (although the complainants were not wanting for substances in any way).
Touched by the affection shown to him by the boys, but not wishing to create a feud, the researcher gently turned the eager inmates down and sacrificed his research residency. Nonetheless, he left a mark to encourage future scholars by signing off on behalf of the youth of NLS at the Townhall CNN Event. After that day, the researcher disappeared without a trace (but this piper, unfortunately, didn’t take the rats of Himalaya with him).
Self-Defence Against Strangers or Has the Feminist Mobilisation on Campus Gone Too Far?[2]
As the shutters of Chetta rolled down in the wee morning hours of 10th April 2019, a group of what can be only be called feminazis congregated at the guillotine swings outside Yamuna brandishing multiple innovative forms of weaponry, including (but not limited to) a crutch, a pair of scissors, a hanger, and the worst of them all – a feminist mindset.
At around 1700 hours the previous day, a strange, unidentified woman approached multiple inmates within WHOR while they were in a deep stupor – on the pretext of needing help. She entered unlocked rooms and rifled through people’s belongings – giving alibis and fleeing each time she was caught. Unsurprisingly, when a warning was put out by the aforementioned affected inmates on hostel groups in the middle of the night, there was immediate panic.
Doors were locked, secret passwords created, elaborate knocks involving the chords to Dancing with a Stranger agreed upon, Cerberus (Fluffy) of the Underground brought to guard the Women’s Halls of Residence and only the bravest inmates ventured to the washrooms.
The inmates, naturally being oversensitive and prone to over-exaggeration, painted her as a serial killer lurking in the ante-chambers of Annexe. They even went so far as to knock down the door of a fellow inmate who was just taking an extraordinarily long restroom break and brandishing a hanger (and some feminist mindset) at her face, in fear that she was the mystery woman hiding out. “It was such an empowering feeling to break down people’s doors in the middle of the night and lecture them on feminism. Oh well, I suppose looking for that creepy lady was on the agenda too. Yeah, totally,” recounted a WHOR woman who wished to remain anonymous for security purposes.
It pains us to see the contrasting ways in which women and men have dealt with the issue of having outsiders inside campus. These WHOR women, having fallen under the spell of liberalization and westernization, forgot their Indian roots of ‘atithi devo bhava’, and chose instead to get violent and hung up on trivial issues like security and privacy when there were larger than life issues such as rogue Jalebis going missing on campus.
[DISCLAIMER: We wish to clarify that this is #NotAllWomen. Like one inmate recounted, “I couldn’t be bothered to get up. Two of my friends went, though, and one came back about an hour later. I just assumed the other was done being feminist around that time too.]
Maybe we will never know the true identities of the mysterious researcher, or the so-called “serial killer” (of sane, guest-welcoming minds). Some suspect it is our 100% Perception scores in NIRF that has made people so desperate to just enter our unholy campus. But maybe, just maybe, there are more pressing issues lurking about – like why the inmates of this haven are so desperate to get out. Stay tuned for further updates!
[1] Kabeer Tiwari, ‘General Body Meeting Minutes: 28/03/19: 9:00PM’ (2019) p11.
[2] Chandni Ochani, ‘Unidentified Woman on Campus’ (NLSIU Mailthreads, 10 Apr 2019).
]]>Live from ground zero in their angrezi armchairs, Mukta Joshi (Batch of 2019) and Radhika Goyal (Batch of 2019) report their findings.
NLSIU Batch of 2019 makes NYP an academic event; Call for Applications expected tomorrow
November 25, 2018 | By: Dhanush Dinesh and Aman Vasavada
(Following an anonymous tip-off, investigators from the NLS Inmates Review have gained non-exclusive access to the Batch of 2019’s WhatsApp group chat for NYP preparation, which revealed shocking information, bound to shake the dubious foundations of Law School Party Culture
. Quirk is proud to bring to our readers an exclusive leak of the potential culmination of the Batch’s extraordinary idea.)
In an effort to reach out to the Modern Law Schoolite, who has turned away from music, alcohol and other unnamed debaucheries in favour of higher and greater ethical pursuits, such as BTLI (Blogging on Topical Legal Issues) and CWQM (Chetta Water Quality Monitors), the Batch of 2019 has decided to replace the traditional NYP with an all-night, superlatively educational, NYP-themed Symposium. The move is expected to salvage the now-accredited Nagarbhavi Laa School from the slanderous claims of Falling Standards which are frequently hurled against its inmates.
Our whistleblowers have revealed that the midnight bacchanalia of NYP had almost been replaced by an NYPD (New Year Picnic Day) by the academically oriented and morally cautious Batch, which soon realized that the New Year actually arrives only at midnight – leading to the quick (but not silent!) death of the afternoon “delight” that was to be NYPD.
On confronting an Organizer, we were informed: “Knowing how the prurient interests of Laa School men would come alive at a midnight rave (as it is obviously the parties that are causing these incidents and not in any way a result of people’s social conditioning), we decided that a symposium would be an appropriate way to foster respectful intergender contact – and hey, they’d be learning something too! Better than anything those Angry Vocal Feminists have ever done for women.”
Undoubtedly, the intention was to redress the pervasive problems in Laa School Party Culture by focusing attention on other, more Pressing Matters, with the added benefit of having all Licentious Characters (actual and potential) enlightened by educational thoughts under the pleasant visibility of broad daylight.
Thus, the idea of the NYP Symposium was conceived. The spectacular speaker line-up already boasts some giants in the field of consumable education and enlightenment. Our whistleblower has kindly leaked the proposed schedule so our committed readers can read it here first:
8-9 PM: Keynote Address by Swami Nithyananda
The renowned preacher shall deliver his famous lesson on “How to Transcend your Addictions and Turn them to your Power”. With the text of the speech having been removed from even his own website under the orders of the CCB, the NYP Symposium shall possibly be the only place where one can hope to hear what the great man has to teach us.
9-10 PM: Session on “Inner Engineering: How to Transcend from Rationality to Meta-science” by Sadhguru
The celebrated mystic and NALSAR’s most recent Guest Lecturer shall be engaging with students on various contemporary issues such as the link between mess food poisoning and the zodiacal constellations, home remedies to prevent cancer and depression, and heretofore unexplored connections between eclipses and your grades.
10-11:50 PM: Interactive Workshop on “OMR-Coke Synthesis and other Life Skills”
This will be a panel moderated by Guru Sir (proprietor of the wholesale liquor shop near Fortis). Senior Representatives and Educational Ambassadors from Surya and Chandrashekar are also expected to grace the panel. There will be an opportunity for (Heritage) wine-tasting during the session as well.
11:50-12:10 AM: Networking Break
This window is reserved for collectively bringing in another year with more of the same. Couples (new and existing) are kindly requested to utilize the rear lawn only, and cooperate in our attempts to minimize the negative externalities of PDA. Rumour has it that Garvit Sharma (Batch of 2021) has been training pigeons to strategically defecate on the more…insatiable couples.
12:15-2 AM: Open Discussion on “Channeling Creativity at Parties: A Historical Perspective”
Finally, as the highlight of the evening, all inmate-attendees shall be given 5 minutes to share their true lived experiences of coping with various provocations over the years. This promises to be the most riveting session, given that the Batch of 2019 has displayed their eminence time and again by allegedly performing enviable feats at previous parties such as, inter alia, breaking toilet mirrors, booking impromptu cabs to Mysore Zoo to hug giraffes, punching juniors, roasting nuts on a CD and then consuming said CD, burning the Himalaya dustbin, and starting a gang war against Compton.
The program beyond 2AM is unlikely to be formally scheduled by the Batch, but is considered to be a respite after imbibing such intoxicating and heady educational discussions, after which the inmate-attendees are likely to require a personal moment to just lie down in the bushes, cry, call their exes, and contemplate life.
The customary coke and chips (which have been upgraded to the oil-free, gluten-free, baked kind which can now be afforded after a reallocation of the Batch’s resources) will be provided. However, according to our sources, chances are that the proverbial coke will be in abundant enough supply to ensure that people are carbonated enough to forget all about the existence of the proverbial chips. The Batch has also promised Certificates of Participation, which sources claim will be covered in puke splatter from students of the Batch of 2019, in line with the nauseating customs of NYP.
Our behavioural ecologists believe that the inmates will largely respond favourably to this historic transition in the annual indulgence that is NYP.
Update: Minutes after we went to press, representatives from the Batch of 2019 have hinted that due to the logistical difficulties involved in organising this conference, chances are that the NYP will end up being the usual “lit pardayyy” in an even better location where everybody can get hammered in the manner of their informed choice, on the lush green grass by the poolside under the beautiful and starry winter night sky in a sequestered farmhouse, far far away from Nags. Come what may, the experience promises to be… educational.
]]>Driven by Gut, Lads Ditch Moot for Noble Cause
November 11, 2018 | Aman Vasavada and Lakshmi Nambiar
In a classic case of need-based innovation, Nagarbhavi Laa College has finally caught up with the Bengaluru startup culture. Himalaya Ltd., a hyperlocal delivery startup aimed at procuring affordable food for children in desperate need, was founded by inmates of the Himalaya bunker on Thursday amidst a severe hunger crisis.
The said crisis was largely due to the non-presence of Chetta for several days into the trimester, leaving hundreds of 20-year-old children starving. This was something that the MootMonksTM knew only too well, given their penance in Himalaya throughout October. Disillusioned by the perils of MootMonkingTM, they turned to charitable entrepreneurship and tried to cheer up the young and ravished inmates of Himalaya by lighting diyas, but much to their dismay, the only things that lit the night were the tips of cigarettes.[1] Then their mind lit up, and they realized that the way to a broke inmate’s heart is through their stomach.
Thus was born Himalaya Ltd. – a “need-based innovation” startup, vernacularly classified as “jugaad”. Its business model was simple and ingenious: Exist. Merely by virtue of its existence, the company is eligible to avail all sorts of corporate discounts and privileges. On the very day of its inception, Himalaya Ltd. successfully procured food delivery app BoxEight’s revered 25% corporate discount – which meant that for every three young and ravished inmates, one more inmate could be fed in the same expense. While this may sound like an ironic mockery of relentless consumerism, the venture has seen phenomenal growth overnight. Bistro’s dropping lunchtime consumer base, as empirically observed by us, is testimony to their success. Fifty inmates of Himalaya are now serving as directors in the company. They realise that they have five more years before their first Laa Firm salary, and their stomachs cannot wait that long. On Friday, the company secured 6.5 Crore seed funding from BoxEight, a food delivery app looking to tap into this young and ravished demographic.
A director spoke to our investigators at their Headquarters in the Himalaya Common Room: “I spent days MootMonkingTM in a deep, dark cave [aforementioned Common Room]. While the truth behind public international law still evades us, we know now that the truth of life is simply to pursue one sin and give up the rest of our primal desires. Ever heard of that sage who went to the Himalayas seeking enlightenment, only to realize that having a lot of sex is the ideal path of life? He chose lust; we choose gluttony.”
However, speculations have arisen about the future of Himalaya Ltd., now that Chetta is back (as was evidenced by the uncouth yodeling down the halls of Yamuna by an ecstatic customer who first saw those shutters half-open) and also fully in service (although he sometimes falls short of lemon tea). It remains to be seen how important a role shall be played by Himalaya Ltd. in a post-Chetta-less world. In any case, we trust that the Nagarbhavi Laa College’s AWOL Entrepreneurship Cell would be immensely proud of this unprecedented greenfield venture.[2]
[1] While we do not have scientific proof, our spot surveys indicate that on average, famished people tend to consume more cigarettes per day. It is humbly suggested that the DISCOs co-ordinate with the MessComms and with Himalaya Ltd. to work against nicotine proliferation.
[2] Edit (dated 7 January 2019): The Entrepreneurship Cell is no longer AWOL; possibly revived by virtue of this editorial suggestion arising from this cutting-edge investigation.
]]>October 30, 2018 | Smriti Kalra and Aman Vasavada
In what has been touted as a landmark transition from bureaucracy to technocracy, the ED has joined hands with the Edchemy, an online ERP system propelling Nagarbhavi Law School and the nation towards Superpower 2020 status. While Digital India campaigners have hailed this move towards transparency, concerns have been raised that it is nothing but collusion with a new partner-in-crime.
After a rocky start where Edchemy was questioned by appropriate adjudicating authorities regarding who commissioned its very existence in Nagarbhavi Laa School, the ostensibly illegitimate merger has left no stone unturned in disrupting the student environment even before the trimester has begun.
Its first step has been the historic digitization of attendance records. But with great transparency comes great legal positivism. ED-Edchemy has started following attendance rules strictly – a turn of events that has shocked the conscience of the nation’s finest (self-proclaimed) lawyers-in-the-making. This has proved to be the final straw for the students who are already experiencing their seasonal depression spike as reported by us last week.
While some have valid complaints about incorrect totalling of marks, others have dug out their Admin Law notes (photocopied from someone else, of course) to invoke the Doctrine of Legitimate Expectation. The fact that earlier a 95% might have gotten them 5 marks of attendance despite the rules prescribing 96% for this has ruffled many feathers. A team is also exploring electronic evidence principles to figure out the burden and onus of proving discrepancy in attendance in this era of e-MakeUps.
A certain student who wishes to be identified as Nancy Drew revealed to us that this 96% requirement may have been a top-secret amendment to the AER rules, executed covertly by ED-Edchemy, while distracting the student body through diversions such as elective offerings, unwarranted personal delivery of exam results, and privacy-breaching student profiling. As we speak, our informant continues her search for truth by comparing the forgotten texts of the pink, bound rule-book that first years received this year with the ones circulated in previous years. The NLS Inmates Review can neither confirm nor deny her claim.
But this age of voices calling for due process and responsible reporting coupled with our quest for investigative journalism has taken us to Edchemy’s HQ in Wakanda, where we were duly informed that Edchemy’s scientists are using Laa School to test their algorithmic prowess. If they manage to improve efficiency in our lazy society that abides by the delayed NLS Standard Time, it will sell its algorithm to larger applications that require more efficiency, such as the Vijay Mallya probe and South East Asian airline regulators. Our tech editors shall continue to follow-up on Edchemy’s cutting-edge endeavours.
]]>“System marginalizes indecisive people,” complain indecisive people.
October 19, 2018 | Mumbai | By: Aman Vasavada
NLS Inmates Review journalists stumbled upon three dazed inmates sitting on the footpath outside the Bombay High Court, their faces resplendent with the look of defeat. With a view to bring you some top class investigative journalism, we decided to find out why the inmates (anonymized upon request) were so depressed even when they were on their month-long parole away from Laa School. Their responses revealed a startling concern.
“So we just got to know that we have elective courses next trim”, said a third-year inmate. “Which means I need to make decisions again. Isn’t that reason enough to be depressed?”
Another whiny third year chimed in: “I gave up mooting and ADR to avoid moot offerings and ADR offerings, but how do I avoid elective offerings? By giving up Laa School? It feels like I am a ritualistic offering to the system – a sacrifice made for those who have their lives planned!”. The rant continued for another five minutes, highlighting how the indecisive class is institutionally marginalized, oppressed and othered by the system dominated by those who are privileged enough to make a choice.
The third third-year inmate to speak up to us was probably capable of making a few decisions but still looked just as sullen. This inmate was unhappy with the fact that elective professors restricted the number of students in their class and hence, their choice would be curtailed either by the much-feared FCFS system or by preference given to the fourth-years. The other two inmates, realizing that they were in fact doubly-oppressed, poked fun at their comrade for having ‘first-world problems’, but nevertheless showed solidarity after the third inmate declared emphatically: “I’d rather have no choice than be given the illusion of choice!”
Recent real-time studies conducted by us reveal rising depression levels in Tier-I cities in October. This correlates with similar sightings of miserable on-parole inmates recorded across these cities where they usually congregate to serve their parole internship requirements (firmal or judicial custody). Most notably, outside the Supreme Court in Delhi, five inmates were reportedly wailing in unison: “Freedom of choice includes the freedom to not make a choice”. We wonder if any civil liberties NGO will overhear them and take up their cause.
]]>Despite extensive investigation, source of wokeness remains a mystery
October 6, 2018 | Bengaluru | By: Mukta Joshi
India’s finest law university sure does boast of the wokest of Woke Bois, but where are they coming from? The Quirk team recently undertook an inquiry in an attempt to find some answers to the discrepancy between the number of men enrolled in feminist courses at the National Law School of India University, and the number of Woke Bois it churns out annually.
And these Bois sure are Woke – we need look no further than law school’s infamous email threads, SBA Noticeboard comment threads, and batch WhatsApp group conversations. It certainly isn’t the case that men who don’t bother to study feminist courses don’t have opinions on issues of gender, sexuality, and the pervasive nature of sexual violence, so we attempted to understand the cause of their absence in these courses, and spoke to a few Woke Bois on campus.
“I find academic feminism too pretentious, so my favourite organic source of feminism are my female friends. The best part is that their personal experiences and emotional labor are available to me for free, and I don’t even have to do as much as writing a Lizzie project!” said a fifth year student who’s so woke that he makes sure to never hold the door open for any woman, no matter how pregnant or how old.
“Why take a course on feminism when I can learn some every time a bhai gets attacked on the batch group?” said a fourth year student who, just last week, lectured his female friends on the importance of extending the benefit of the doubt to his bro accused of sexual harassment.
Since the Bois did, admittedly, seem to be making very valid points, we turned to the women on campus to gauge their opinion on whether the shocking lack of male participation in feminist courses was a problem.
When asked, a third year student said, “It’s true that my boyfriend would understand that his gaslighting behaviour is textbook if he’d read the damn textbook, but I think it’s okay because it isn’t too late now to say sorry, and he misses more than just my body.”
“Nothing quite compares to the adrenaline rush I get when I relive my own experiences of harassment while using them as examples to prove the importance of social sanction. I mean, I know that countless others have already spent their careers writing about them so I don’t have to, but I’m so grateful to my male friends for giving me a chance to do it anyway,” said a fifth year student.
“Even though the classroom is a space exclusively designed to facilitate the exchange of unsettling ideas and conflicting intellectual opinions, my favourite place to do it is at Chetta – after all, my favourite D’s are debate and discussion!” a fourth year student exclaimed.
Perhaps we were overzealous in identifying a feminist issue where there wasn’t one, but is this trend likely to change anytime soon?
“I don’t know – I’m just more inclined towards commercial law,” said a student as he walked past.
]]>In a surprising revelation, Prof. T. S. Somashekhar, when asked about the economic viability of Spiritus, replied saying “I need data to answer that. But you see, there’s a lot of other stuff that you’ve got to factor in. There’s so much forced labour, we lose out on classes and sleep – you have to take into account these social costs.” This prompted the Quirk team to indulge in some serious cutting-edge investigative journalism (we can’t promise that we won’t be taken seriously by certain other investigative journa(LI)sts). In light of our findings, we have decided to reveal the now declassified text of one of the mails sent to the first years with the subject “Mandatory Volunteering” (originally, innocently “Spiritus 2018: Call for Volunteers”) that we had uncovered.
Dear First Years (Our Drudges),
Spiritus, now, is just a week away. When we haul you off to a meeting on the night of 22nd, you will know how your campus life turns subhuman for those few days and nights (although there isn’t really a distinction, considering the lack of sleep). Until then, here’s why you must apply for Spiritus:
To begin with, Spiritus depends on the involvement of those of the law school community who choose not to go home or hide in their rooms and under their beds, and that now includes you all, since as first years, your choice is limited (we will search beneath your beds)! Fests like these are part of our shared heritage, and how strenuous it turns out to be adds to the brand value that NLS is (we’re only preparing you for your corp jobs). We are talking about the fest, but we are also talking about so much more than the fest, and we will (until Spiritus gets over and we need you no longer) keep talking about the fest so that you either volunteer or feel major FOMO.
Secondly, Spiritus is an experience like no other. When else in your life will you find yourself dabbing at the basketball court (removing moisture, not some football player’s cringy move) with a sodding wet newspaper? When else can you find people revelling noisily at Chetta without facing a mail thread as a consequence? (Not even Freshers’ night gives you that leeway.) There is the dread of rain in the air, that will propel you (whether or not it’s voluntary) out of your beds at ungodly hours (even by Law School standards), with WhatsApp groups blowing up- simultaneously demanding your presence at the football field, the basketball court, SAI and the library for some goddamn reason.
Further, the bonds (think restrains, not relationships) that you’ll make at Spiritus are the bonds that will last you for the excruciatingly long remainder of your time here. Spiritus provides your seniors a great opportunity to order you around (without being reprimanded for it), and then later, to make up for three days of no sleep, screaming at you and making you do all this work somebody will get you one treat (at Chetta at that). A satisfactory day’s work is always rewarded with a cake at the end of the day. But, be warned, if it’s not absolutely perfect, we’ll give you lectures that will take away time from the three hour nap that’s the only sleep you were getting and guilt trip you with the cake, but you will eventually get cake, so it’s all good!
Last and probably the only reason you’re really giving up sleep and sanity for this – makeup will be provided for any classes you miss, because waking up at 6am to do manual labour is still preferable to getting an education, even by mistake.
In conclusion, if you do volunteer for Spiritus, you will be tired, sleep-deprived, sunburnt, aching, sleep-deprived, annoyed, angry, full of despair, sleep deprived, hungry, cranky – and did we mention sleep-deprived? But, you will get a treat from a senior who pities you, whatever cake you manage to grab, perhaps, some free coupons, and in about five years your brain will twist these memories around and make you believe that you had the best time ever. So do volunteer! Even if you don’t we’re going to make you volunteer anyway!
Love,
The Real SportsComm
Editorial Note: First years, if you’re worried about sharing this, Spiritus is done anyway – SportsComm has no use for you. Don’t you worry, the next set of first years will be just as clueless and vulnerable as you were.
]]>NLS Inmates Review journalists had conducted a famous sting operation in the Cauvery Bunker in 1942. They managed to catch on tape the popular mooter Adolf Hitler (ID no: 0273) bursting into a furious monologue following the release of his first year Reval results.
In light of the growing resentment against the structural problem of Reval, we are now declassifying the video from our archives.
Original video from: Der Untergang
]]>Sceptics argue that it’s a wilful move by the important man to become more elusive
August 18, 2018 | By: Aman Vasavada | Image by Mukta Joshi
Ganga’s foreman, Krishna Gowda Sir, is widely acknowledged as the humble little fellow who successfully duped parents into thinking that their spoilt and lazy lads have finally learnt to do their own laundry and clean their own rooms.
Obviously always in demand, his ringtone echoing in the passages is a fundamental feature of MHOR’s afternoon ambience, second only to the desperate yells of “Gowdaaa Sirr” from those who still don’t use Jio. Unsurprisingly, the adoption of the John Cena theme as his harbinger has become the talking point at MHOR dinner tables.
A very vocal faction of lazy Delhi boys speculate that the transition is a deliberate signal by Gowda Sir that he’s done with their shit and will henceforth be as elusive as John Cena – the WWE superstar with the motto “You Can’t See Me” who has been sighted even less frequently than some Ganga boys have been sighted in the 8:50 A.M. classroom.
If their theory holds true, the domestic lives of many will be crippled. “We are considering seeking project extensions for having to do our own laundry”, complained one of the boys, who refrained from naming himself.
All may not be lost, however, as another source claims that there is no hidden agenda behind the ringtone. “Everyone is overthinking this. I’ve seen Gowda Sir watching the Royal Rumble in the common room. He’s just expressing his fandom.”
Ominously, Gowda Sir was not available for comments.
As we go into press, GWC is investigating the claims and SDGM is on alert to counter any spontaneous violence triggered by the act of 40 irritable men waking up in the bunkers of Ganga to the John Cena theme blaring on Gowda Sir’s trusty Nokia, all because that one piece of shit on Cauvery’s top floor was too lazy to come all the way and call him.
]]>