I’m done with all relationships –
commitment’s not for me.
“I love you” will not cross my lips,
and rings will make me flee.
But every once a while I find
my nether regions quake
a burning urge consumes my mind –
my hands begin to shake!
There is but one thing I can do
to make myself relax:
A boink! A doink! A shag! A screw!
An explosive climax!
Now, earlier, to find such things,
My gentlemanly self
would visit bars and skating rinks
and brothels for my health.
But just a day or two ago,
while browsing through my phone,
I found an app that made me “Whoa!” –
an app to help me bone.
This lovely find provided me
an endless stream of chicks.
Swipe left and right I did with glee,
upon provided pics.
I’ve done this now, for hours and hours –
I think I’ve found a catch.
Despite my sex-machine-like powers,
I haven’t got a match.
But just as I begin to fret,
my phone gives me a ping.
I needn’t give my hopes up yet,
a girl – this lovely thing –
has superliked my sexy mug
by swiping it up top.
And now, upon my Persian rug,
We’ll make her cherry pop.