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Love at First Swipe


I’m done with all relationships –

commitment’s not for me.

“I love you” will not cross my lips,

and rings will make me flee.

But every once a while I find

my nether regions quake

a burning urge consumes my mind –

my hands begin to shake!

There is but one thing I can do

to make myself relax:

A boink! A doink! A shag! A screw!

An explosive climax!

Now, earlier, to find such things,

My gentlemanly self

would visit bars and skating rinks

and brothels for my health.

But just a day or two ago,

while browsing through my phone,

I found an app that made me “Whoa!” –

an app to help me bone.

This lovely find provided me

an endless stream of chicks.

Swipe left and right I did with glee,

upon provided pics.

I’ve done this now, for hours and hours –

I think I’ve found a catch.

Despite my sex-machine-like powers,

I haven’t got a match.

But just as I begin to fret,

my phone gives me a ping.

I needn’t give my hopes up yet,

a girl – this lovely thing –

has superliked my sexy mug

by swiping it up top.

And now, upon my Persian rug,

We’ll make her cherry pop.

Published in Poetry


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